Oh and Happy New Year!

Bored

I've been out of town since the day after Christmas.  I want to say something profound, but I don't know if I can.  The closest thing I can think of is: "There is no such thing as 100%"

Have you all heard of the Mormon idea of afterlife?  Supposedly, there are differing levels of "glory"--not just heaven or hell.  That makes more sense.  The LDS magicians say that the challenge of life is one that we took when we were all back on the other side of the veil.  So, we are to be judged in the end based on the totality of our lives.  That makes sense too.  But then, even if you take that at face value and embrace it, you are still a "child" or a "pawn".  You are not the center of the crowd, and you are not the one outside of the crowd.  If you are in the crowd, what do you have to look forward to?  You have those nice old ladies, the "brother, I'm there for you", and... satisfaction?.

Hmm...  I don't really think that I'm being arrogant.  I think I'm being a bit of true to character.  I don't like the crowds; I've always been a loner.  Maybe because of being disappointed often, maybe because of a romantic flare.  I just want to rebel, you know.  Be a nonconformist.  I get claustrophobic when I think of all those silly people.  BTW, my new favorite words are "silly", "gubernator", and "whatnot".  Btw as well, I am terribly bored.  Everything just seems so silly.  I want to be the gubernator of my own ship--run by tons of versions of me.  I want to be Jack Sparrow.  And perform acts of whatnot.  What is Pirates 4 going to be about anyway?

Christmas!!!!

Madison is so happy!! He got a really nice soccer ball, soccer gear, clothes, Risk, food, and 10 new razors and shaving cream.  He had the best shave he has had in a long time and spent the past two or three hours juggling and dribbling the soccer ball around the house.  The new razors made him really happy.  And he really likes the soccer ball.

Good happiness and whatnot!!  Oh, and my family got a tv/ps3combo.  But the cable no longer works, and there are no games for the ps3.  Good happiness and whatnot.

Teamwork

Picture unrelated >.> somewhat.

Teamwork.  By Asuka Kureru.  If you're not into it, try the threesome (written) porn version of it.  It's pretty decent.  Hope I didn't totally destroy your fan-girl senses.  Yaoi is pretty.

Finals 2

We had the Latin 3 and Chemistry 2 finals today.  I got a pretty good grade on the Latin test, a 100 on the Precal final, and an 85 on the Chem final.  So I'm pretty happy about that.  That means all A's this semester.  Yay.  I'm relieved the school year is over, but I'm kind of bored with life at the moment.  However, the Spongebob Squarepants episode where Patrick and Spongebob raise the baby scallop is on.  And after testing in Chem, I felt super confident in that I actually understood the subject matter (I never studied or did homework through the semester so I was a little shaky throughout, but now I get it).  The stuff wasn't that tough, and it didn't seem that hard throughout the semester, but now it seems so easy. 

Oh, and I have officially topped my number of pageviews from last month.  Woot woot!! So yeah, good happiness and whatnot.

Habete felices ferias!

Finals

Today and tomorrow, we will be having finals.  I had English and pre-calculus today.  The precal was easy as could be.  I finished the test in twenty, maybe thirty, minutes.  And the English was comprised of two essays: a general argument essay and a rhetorical analysis.

I finished the rhetorical analysis feeling really good about it, but the general argument essay was pretty bad.  I didn't even finish (I just scrapped one of my body paragraphs and wrote a hasty conclusion). The essay was about the "vital role" of humorists in today's political society.  So I argued that yes, humorists are essential. I cited an episode of the Colbert Report as well as the Colbert Report and the Daily Show as examples of satirical humorists that spread information as well as reveal the initiatives of the various parties.  The episode I cited of the Colbert Report was how Republicans use 9-11 all the time, and then at one point said that they shouldn't be helping the 9-11 first responders after they had used the 9-11 first responders to get so many legislations passed.  I also argued that I would not have otherwise been aware of that information and that now I am informed at least a little bit.  I argued that it is an interesting way to spread information and allows the many a way to escape the rule by the few.  But I didn't have much info to go by so I had to BS it and I didn't really want to use Family Guy or Southpark because those are way more extreme than other sources.  At least the Colbert Report and the Daily Show focus primarily on politics.

The rhetorical analysis essay was of Lincoln's Second Inaugural Address.  I made the argument that Lincoln meant the address as the starting point for reunification.  And he used emotional diction, religious symbols and allusions as well as parallel structure as the main points.  I talked about how he used the parallelism as the icing that joined together the emotion of the speech with the situation and the fact that he talked to both sides as if they were the sinners who had just atoned for their sins with the Civil War and that he wanted them to look to the future.  I cited specific instances and used a lot of quotes together with purpose analysis.  So it seems like the Rhetorical analysis essay would be an A, whereas the general argument would probably be a C or B at best. 

The English isn't really a final though because it is a combined class with US history that lasts all year instead of one semester.  I have a 99 in precal and I get 3 extra points added to my score at the end.  So that is an easy A.  In English I have a 91 and I get 5 extra points at the end because it is AP.  Whereas I don't need the points for precal and it just seems superfluous; I actually need the extra points for English.  By the end of the year, I should have an A in that class, though.  Next semester is just literature, I think; so it should be easy from here on out.

Tomorrow I have Latin 3 and Honors Chemistry 2.  I have a ridiculously high score in Latin; so that shouldn't matter at all.  The Chemistry I actually have to try in though.  I have a 95 or something, and even though I have 3 extra points, I still have to get something like a 70 to keep my A.  The only reason I am worried is because I have not done that great on tests this year.  So I'm hoping that the State final will be really easy.  I will still be studying pretty hard, but just something easy would be greatly appreciated.  It doesn't help that my teacher has been away from school for the past two weeks and will not be coming back this semester.  So we have to rely on the Chemistry I teacher for whatever questions we have.

Moth's Wings

Lyrics:
Dear friend, as you know
Your flowers are withering
Your mother's gone insane
Your leaves have drifted away
But the clouds are clearing up
And I've come reveling
Burning incandescently
Like a bastard on the burning sea

You're just like your father
Buried deep under the water
You're resting on your laurels
And stepping on my toes
Whose side are you on?
What side is this anyway?
Put down your sword and crown
Come lay with me on the ground

You come beating like moth's wings
Spastic and violently
Whipping me into a storm
Shaking me down to the core
But you run away from me
And you left me shimmering
Like diamond wedding rings
Spinning dizzily down on the floor

You're just like your father
Buried deep under the water
You're resting on your laurels
And stepping on my toes
Whose side are you on?
What side is this anyway?
Put down your sword and crown
Come lay with me on the ground

Trumpeteering

I've been meaning to look this up for a while.  I love music like this. In fact, I love almost all music.

Bragging rights

I'm sorry, but I gotta.  We got our PSAT scores back today at school, and I scored a 224 out of 240.  That is in the 99th percentile.  I got a perfect score for the Maths section. So yay for Maths!  I've always loved Math.  I know many people hate it, but it is a constant for me.  So I likez it.

A recent idea has popped into my head because of Ladyluck.  I told her that I was happy because of ramen and the fact that I saw a show on tv that featured the quote, "James always used to tell me how happy he was to be gay."  The show is a downer because it is all about sex crimes (Law and Order: SVU), but the fact that he said it dreamily and after having stood up to his father made me happy.  Ladyluck told me that I could be that happy.  But I responded that I didn't really want to just declare it from the rooftops--partly because I don't want that to be THE defining characteristic of my life but also because it would just bring up so many hassles at this point in my life.  I know that a bunch of you probably hate that stance, but it's what works best for me.  I don't intend on pursuing much of any kind of relationship at this point in my life, and so it just wouldn't be wise.

I really am sorry; it wouldn't really be that big of a deal at all.  But now just isn't the right time.  I never really planned on being flamboyant.  And I just don't think that my sexuality is that important to tell if I am basically celibate for the time being.  I'm planning on coming out when I meet a guy that I want to make mine--and who will accept the situation.  Excluding that, it is doubtful that I'll be coming out to people much of any time soon.

So there.  Anyway.  "Mawwaige is wut bwings us togevvuh, today.  ...WWuuv, twoo wuvvvv".  I've always liked the idea of "to the pain."  And I have always liked the medieval setting.  Lawfulness and cleanliness would be totally rank, but otherwise, it would be somewhat fun (though it would probably inspire lots of sadism).  At least people wouldn't care that much about such trivialities as we do today.  They would be less tolerant, and life would probably be hell.  But otherwise, a medieval lifestyle seems fun.  Haha.  There is sarcasm in that.  I used to want to be a knight or a ninja or an archer.  The only one that I still want to be is an archer.  I've never really understood why more people didn't focus on archery rather than swordsmanship.  I mean, the sword does provide quite the frontal power, but archers can be so much more easily maneuvered. I guess that's why modern warfare focuses on guns and bombs.   They are so much more maneuverable than a stick or sword.  Gaalee I feel like a crappy, stupid, jack rabbit of a son of a biscuit.  Either berate me or praise me.  Don't ignore me.

Please Hear What I'm Not Saying

  Don't be fooled by me.

Don't be fooled by the face I wear

For I wear a mask, a thousand masks,

Masks that I'm afraid to take off

And none of them is me.

Pretending is an art that's second nature with me,

but don't be fooled,

for God's sake don't be fooled.

I give you the impression that I'm secure,

that all is sunny and unruffled with me,

within as well as without,

that confidence is my name and coolness my game,

that the water's calm and I'm in command

and that I need no one,

but don't believe me.

My surface may be smooth but

my surface is my mask,

ever-varying and ever-concealing.

Beneath lies no complacence.

Beneath lies confusion, and fear, and aloneness.

But I hide this. I don't want anybody to know it.

I panic at the thought of my weakness exposed.

That's why I frantically create a mask to hide behind,

a nonchalant sophisticated facade,

to help me pretend,

to shield me from the glance that knows.

But such a glance is precisely my salvation,

my only hope, and I know it.

That is, if it is followed by acceptance,

If it is followed by love.

It's the only thing that can liberate me from myself

from my own self-built prison walls

from the barriers that I so painstakingly erect.

It's the only thing that will assure me

of what I can't assure myself,

that I'm really worth something.

But I don't tell you this. I don't dare to. I'm afraid to.

  I'm afraid you'll think less of me,

that you'll laugh, and your laugh would kill me.

I'm afraid that deep-down I'm nothing

and that you will see this and reject me.

So I play my game, my desperate, pretending game

With a façade of assurance without

And a trembling child within.

So begins the glittering but empty parade of Masks,

And my life becomes a front.

I tell you everything that's really nothing,

and nothing of what's everything,

of what's crying within me.

So when I'm going through my routine

do not be fooled by what I'm saying.

Please listen carefully and try to hear what I'm not saying,

what I'd like to be able to say,

what for survival I need to say,

but what I can't say.

I don't like hiding.

I don't like playing superficial phony games.

I want to stop playing them.

I want to be genuine and spontaneous and me

but you've got to help me.

You've got to hold out your hand

even when that's the last thing I seem to want.

Only you can wipe away from my eyes

the blank stare of the breathing dead.

Only you can call me into aliveness.

Each time you're kind, and gentle, and encouraging,

each time you try to understand because you really care,

my heart begins to grow wings --

very small wings,

but wings!

With your power to touch me into feeling

you can breathe life into me.

I want you to know that.

I want you to know how important you are to me,

how you can be a creator--an honest-to-God creator --

of the person that is me

if you choose to.

You alone can break down the wall behind which I tremble,

you alone can remove my mask,

you alone can release me from the shadow-world of panic,

from my lonely prison,

if you choose to.

Please choose to.

Do not pass me by.

It will not be easy for you.

A long conviction of worthlessness builds strong walls.

The nearer you approach me

the blinder I may strike back.

It's irrational, but despite what the books may say about man

often I am irrational.

I fight against the very thing I cry out for.

But I am told that love is stronger than strong walls

and in this lies my hope.

  Please try to beat down those walls

with firm hands but with gentle hands

for a child is very sensitive.

Who am I, you may wonder?

I am someone you know very well.

For I am every man you meet

and I am every woman you meet.

       By Charles C. Finn

Have fun with life, but don't ignore needs.  Have a purpose is the one that stumps me.  I can't do it.  I feel apathetic so often.  It's like this new-fangled society is stealing away people to apathy and individualism.  It's creepy.  Life is creepy.


Life is like a Zelda game.  You are never allowed to talk, there are always so many secrets, and you can never save at the end.

Life is like a box of chocolates.  You never know what you're gonna get.

I have recently been signing my school papers as something like: Madison, the supreme hegemon ruler chancellor master and commander of Greater Normandy.  Life must be taken as a whole if we are to apply any sort of judgment.  However, that viewpoint is idealistic and not feasible in the real world.  So we base people on what they can do.  And it's crap.  In that aspect, life is crap.  Everything is crap.  The way to happiness is thereby barred and perfection is the staple requirement.  It drives me crazy.  Academia is slowly and surely training the so called "HONOR" students to be as ridiculously over the top about perfection as they can be.  That and the absence of a real working job is slowly training me to see life as worthless.  It kills me.  It really does.  They're all such fonies.  I can barely stand it.  Those people kill me.  A nun in a cafe at 3 am collecting money for little kids and not accepting my money when I offer it kills me.  I kept thinking about those nuns as the day went by.  I couldn't help it.  I really did want to give them more than I did.  I wonder if...  It kills me.  They're all such fonies.

Me, the great WE.  They, them, he, she, it, that one, that damn thing, that stupid idiot, that jackass, that asshole, I can't stand him.  I really shouldn't complain.  I'm pretty much liked by everybody.  I'm basically a hoss. (I'm really not though a lot of people do like me.)  My school is like an anomaly in that we don't have cliques.  There are groups of friends, but everyone is really just a kind heart.  They all get along at least somewhat.  There are people who butt heads, but the majority are pretty tolerant and idealistic.

Idealism, idealism, idealism.  Is there a concretism?  I guess that would be realism.  But I prefer romanticism to any of the above.

"Your power PALES in comparison to mine!"

 Butterflies and Hurricanes- MUSE

Change everything you are
And everything you were
Your number has been called

Fights and battles have begun
Revenge will surely come
Your hard times are ahead

Best, you've got to be the best
You've got to change the world
And use this chance to be heard
Your time is now

Change everything you are
And everything you were
Your number has been called

Fights and battles have begun
Revenge will surely come
Your hard times are ahead

Best, you've got to be the best
You've got to change the world
And use this chance to be heard
Your time is now

Don’t let yourself down
Don’t let yourself go
Your last chance has arrived

Best, you've got to be the best
You've got to change the world
And use this chance to be heard
Your time is now

 I'm loving MUSE more and more as time goes by.  They are just great.  Great music, great lyrics, great thoughts.  I also REALLY like Take a Bow.

Teenage Wasteland

"Baba O'Riley" by The Who.

Out here in the fields

I fight for my meals

I get my back into my living

I don't need to fight

To prove I'm right

I don't need to be forgiven

Don't cry

Don't raise your eye

It's only teenage wasteland

Sally ,take my hand

Travel south crossland

Put out the fire

Don't look past my shoulder

The exodus is here

The happy ones are near

Let's get together

Before we get much older

Teenage wasteland

It's only teenage wasteland

Teenage wasteland

Oh, oh

Teenage wasteland

They're all wasted!

Yes I love it.  This is in a playlist of mine alongside Moth's Wings, Yellow, Mad World, Barlights, and Bohemian Rhapsody.  (Passion Pit, Coldplay, Jan Wayne, fun., and Queen respectively)  As well as a few others.  I love music.  It is awesome.

Ok, I kind of did a little experiment.

The other day, I changed the name of the site to (By MaddyLee et Paucis ceteris).  Then, since I did not get many hits at all (like 5 or 6 per day) for the days following that, I changed the name back.  And voila!  The number for today rose to like 50!!

Of course, there could have been a few factors affecting that.  Most importantly, I commented on a blog that gets a lot of looks (And thereby gained a new follower!! Woot woot.  Go Billy.).  So either people are attracted to and familiar with the name, or else Billy and his people did a lot of pageviews...  Hmm, I'm thinking that it is the former.  (Or else there is some circumstance that I am unaware of.)

So anyway, either way, I got a few ideas.  I don't really want to keep the title because I'm in a go-with-the-flow mood and probably will continue to be in that mood for the next while.

Also, I was going to try to add another friend of mine (BB) as an author because he had a rant the other day about the way that all of our friends are so ridiculously wrapped up in Academia.  And I just kind of wanted to be in more steady contact with him.  But yeah...  He seems to be slightly terrible at looking at text messages; so I am probably going to have to tell him in real life--in which I would have to go out of my way to talk to him--which is a bother.  Oh humdrum.

This post is just totally random.  I am absolutely making it up as I go, and I would just like to exclaim that I love the Christmas season.  This is partly because I don't really have to buy people gifts and yet I get to bask in the fact that this season is full of candy and treats--at least where I live--as well as music.  I was listening to "I'll Be Home for Christmas" by the Rascal Flatts yesterday as well as "Baby, It's Cold Outside" by Margaret Whiting and Johnny Mercer.  I really wish that the producers of the ELF Soundtrack had made the duet of Zooey Deschanel and Will Ferrel into a full-length song.  But oh well; they didn't.  I also love the "Christmas Eve/Sarajevo" by the Trans-Siberian Orchestra.

I know it is odd to like the Christmas season if i do not like Christ or God or religion, but I just can't help it.  The snow is awesome [if we ever get any(though it did snow this morning slightly)].  The food is awesome.  The gifts are awesome.  The music is awesome.  I do like beauty in whatever form it may take. The family isn't that great.  Nor is the hypocrisy so very heartening.  But all around I love the season.

It's odd for me to be enthusiastic about stuff...

Anime/Manga

I have liked anime ever since I was a little boy.  So far, my favorite is Naruto (watched from sixth to eighth grade and then read manga).  Since I started high school, however, I've really only been reading the manga.  I like Bleach, DBZ, Naruto, Yuyu Hakusho, Ruroni Kenshin, Inuyasha, MAR, Detective Conan, and a few others.  I don't know if Avatar: the Last Airbender counts, but it is definitely my favorite anime (Naruto is my favorite manga/anime).  I might make posts about these from time to time.  So I just felt that I should get the fact out there.

DBZ may be an exception to the rule, but manga seems to be much more intelligent than any of the American cartoons that I see around nowadays.  It's even a bit more intelligent than some of the old cartoons that used to air on television.  Don't even get me started on how far the cartoon industry in America has fallen.