Friends

A while back I talked about a friend of mine who has been in all of my classes for the past year or so.  Today, I am going to expound on that.  Well, probably 2 or 3 months back, I asked him straight up if he had any sort of interest in being casual sex friends.  He said no (duh) because he's straight and slightly homophobic, though he has no problem with gay people.  I had gotten my hopes up because he is generally so very friendly and was somewhat touchy-feely.  So, that happened 2 or 3 months ago (I think, I don't remember too well).

Since then, he has gotten a girlfriend whom he really likes and they are almost over the stage where they prefer each other's company more than the company of other people.  So, I get my friend back.

Complications arise, though!  When he said no, my hopes were still up; I thought he might think about it and change his mind a little bit.  I mean, I didn't place all of my hope in this desperation, but I still considered it "possible".  So, when I quickly realized that it was NOT possible, I felt bad...  Like, the lonely, dejected, you-will-never-be-loved kind of bad.  And it took a little bit of time to get over it.  But I'm good now.

However, I know that it left an impression on him.  If we touch accidentally nowadays (our last names are close together so we sit next to each other for that reason as well as because we are friends), he has a mini-panic attack.  Like my touch is somehow purposeful and meant for nefarious purposes.  And I know that that little hint of mistrust is my own fault, but it's still annoying.  So, our relationship is slightly strained.  But we're still good friends.

Recently, I went to a movie with a boy I knew to be gay.  I didn't use the situation for anything but seeing a movie (no confessions, no flirting, no nothing).  BUT! I went to a movie with a gay guy.  So there, world.

I have also encountered a situation that is forcing me a little bit out of my comfort zone.  The guy that this post was primarily about?  His boss is gay, and we went boating during the summer.  Somehow, he figured out that I was gay because of two innocent lake days.  Like, I was shocked at his powers of deduction.  I mean, I don't look or seem gay at all.  So... he's a smart cookie.  But anyway, he has a nephew-type-godson who is also gay.  And he's visibly gay.  Like, he wears girl shirts, acts rather flamboyant, and has "interested in men" on his facebook.  (Not that I'm judging or anything; that's just the way he is)

But this girl-shirt-wearing boy started talking to me at the behest of the gay boss.  And now, the gay boss wants to have coffee with me so he can talk to me about me being gay.  And it's all very ambiguous, but it's a bit intimidating because I have met this man a total of three times.  I'm a cautious person.  So this is putting a strain on me.  I know, #firstworldproblems.  But in a post-materialist country, it seems logical to think post materialistically.

Anyway, vent-rant complete.  I'll try to keep you posted.  (Also, I know I'm not supposed to say anything, but I have begun reading Fight Club)  That is all.