Saw this on facebook. Thought you ought to see:
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Saturday, February 25, 2012
Box-Cutter To Bowie
I am definitely an introvert.
About a year ago(?), I decided that I wanted to see if I could cut my own skin and withstand the pain. I just wanted to see if I could do it. So, I did it. I locked the door to the bathroom, and started hacking at my thigh. I was very clean about it and all that. Afterward, I took a shower and watched the slight tinge of pink come out of my cat-scratches. I didn't know that I was supposed to use a better knife than a box cutter...
Well, now, when I cut (I time it based on when the last cuts seem to have almost fully healed), I use a bowie knife that my dad has on a shelf in his office. It is much easier to cut with and it does not hurt nearly as much. With the box cutter, i would have to cut several times in the same place to make much of any headway. And it stung A LOT and it was just not fun. But with the bowie, one good slice does the same thing as about 4 or 5 harder slices of the box-cutter (also helps that it is longer than a razor blade).
I did not cut because I wanted to alleviate the pain of loneliness. *FAINTS DRAMATICALLY*
No, I tried this
A) to prove that I was mentally strong enough to face pain and fight against it and
B) to give myself some scars that very few people will ever see.
I'm not suicidal, nor am I addicted. I just think it gives me something DIFFERENT to do. When I was in middle school, I always wanted to be the EMO kid, but I never had the guts to actually do it. So I wore nondescript clothes, spoke scarcely, and focused on learning and grades. I suffered quietly and personally. I think I'm a Buddhist, you guys.
I still perform this ritualistic cutting session relatively often (keyword relatively, meaning not often). Sometimes i just want to see what happens when I start to tear the world apart (Donnie Darko/The Destructors/Rise Against reference). I stand by what i said a LONG time ago, "I want to see the end."
About a year ago(?), I decided that I wanted to see if I could cut my own skin and withstand the pain. I just wanted to see if I could do it. So, I did it. I locked the door to the bathroom, and started hacking at my thigh. I was very clean about it and all that. Afterward, I took a shower and watched the slight tinge of pink come out of my cat-scratches. I didn't know that I was supposed to use a better knife than a box cutter...
Well, now, when I cut (I time it based on when the last cuts seem to have almost fully healed), I use a bowie knife that my dad has on a shelf in his office. It is much easier to cut with and it does not hurt nearly as much. With the box cutter, i would have to cut several times in the same place to make much of any headway. And it stung A LOT and it was just not fun. But with the bowie, one good slice does the same thing as about 4 or 5 harder slices of the box-cutter (also helps that it is longer than a razor blade).
I did not cut because I wanted to alleviate the pain of loneliness. *FAINTS DRAMATICALLY*
No, I tried this
A) to prove that I was mentally strong enough to face pain and fight against it and
B) to give myself some scars that very few people will ever see.
I'm not suicidal, nor am I addicted. I just think it gives me something DIFFERENT to do. When I was in middle school, I always wanted to be the EMO kid, but I never had the guts to actually do it. So I wore nondescript clothes, spoke scarcely, and focused on learning and grades. I suffered quietly and personally. I think I'm a Buddhist, you guys.
I still perform this ritualistic cutting session relatively often (keyword relatively, meaning not often). Sometimes i just want to see what happens when I start to tear the world apart (Donnie Darko/The Destructors/Rise Against reference). I stand by what i said a LONG time ago, "I want to see the end."
Saturday, February 11, 2012
You Can't Handle the Penguin!
So I've talked before about how I love manga/anime (manga is superior). Well, I have recruited one of my friends. She is a BAMF and she is reading Naruto. She's on like chapter 60 or so, and she said it was amazing so far. And it is. So, uh, go read Naruto.
Anyway, as a person of gender, it seems that gender is SOMEWHAT important in determining one's course of life. I often wonder what it would be like to have been born a girl--would certainly be a bit easier in some faculties, but then much more difficult in others. For instance, I WOULD NOT have to worry about feeling like a girl, but I WOULD have to worry about how much I eat. Ahh, the conundrums of life.
So what got me started on this thought, you ask? Well listen close, and I'll tell you. I am the middle of three boys that my parents created. Apparently, none of the three of us were quite what the rents ordered: they always wanted a little girl. A while back my older brother remarked on the somewhat odd names that we were born into: he said that I got the shaft. A boy with a girl's name? Who would do such a thing to their child whom they love? Well, my parents did it (practically unwittingly, since "Madison" was not a popular girl's name 18 years ago).
Anyway, I do not feel like a girl in a boy's body. I feel like a boy in a boy's body (or should I say man now?). I simply wonder what it would be like to be a girl. Introversion would be easier. When people see a quiet male, they generally think he is weird, but when they see a quiet female, they just think of her as shy or a book-worm, not some outcast whom nobody likes. Oh gender roles, FOR SHAME!
So I don't quite know where I was going with this. I guess just wandering through some thoughts. It's an interesting idea to delve in dreams, but as the Great ALBUS said, "It does not do to dwell on dreams, Harry, and forget to live." I'm off into the world (of Naruto). What about you?
Anyway, as a person of gender, it seems that gender is SOMEWHAT important in determining one's course of life. I often wonder what it would be like to have been born a girl--would certainly be a bit easier in some faculties, but then much more difficult in others. For instance, I WOULD NOT have to worry about feeling like a girl, but I WOULD have to worry about how much I eat. Ahh, the conundrums of life.
So what got me started on this thought, you ask? Well listen close, and I'll tell you. I am the middle of three boys that my parents created. Apparently, none of the three of us were quite what the rents ordered: they always wanted a little girl. A while back my older brother remarked on the somewhat odd names that we were born into: he said that I got the shaft. A boy with a girl's name? Who would do such a thing to their child whom they love? Well, my parents did it (practically unwittingly, since "Madison" was not a popular girl's name 18 years ago).
Anyway, I do not feel like a girl in a boy's body. I feel like a boy in a boy's body (or should I say man now?). I simply wonder what it would be like to be a girl. Introversion would be easier. When people see a quiet male, they generally think he is weird, but when they see a quiet female, they just think of her as shy or a book-worm, not some outcast whom nobody likes. Oh gender roles, FOR SHAME!
So I don't quite know where I was going with this. I guess just wandering through some thoughts. It's an interesting idea to delve in dreams, but as the Great ALBUS said, "It does not do to dwell on dreams, Harry, and forget to live." I'm off into the world (of Naruto). What about you?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)