Happy Mother's Day

I've been a bit out of sorts this past week.  A woman from my church, happily married with a 20 year old daughter, died last week of very acute leukemia.  They had the funeral for her yesterday, and it was terribly sad, terribly touching, but rather well done.  This was mostly due to our excellent pastor.  Her husband and her daughter both spoke, and when the daughter started crying, a floodgate was opened.  Probably everyone in that church (like 300-400 people) just started bawling.  I was no exception.  When the husband spoke, he said that his wife would have wanted him to lighten the mood, but you could tell that he was terribly pained while speaking.  I can't imagine that kind of loss.  Thinking about it makes me realize just how much I should and do love my mother.  I was sitting alone, but my only goal after the service was to find and hug my mom. 

It was a crazy week.  My thoughts are with the family as they grieve their loss.

Merrrrrr

I have 2 of my 3 finals behind me, and the next/last one isn't for another 5-6 days.  So I'm spending my days stalking tumblr, stalking the three subs I interact in on reddit, mildly checking facebook for this one girl who consistently posts puns, playing video games, playing pokemon whilst watching Inazuma Eleven (the soccer version of YuGiOh), exercising, and reading gay romance stories like a fourteen year old girl reading "normal" romance stories.  AND I'M LOVING EVERY SECOND OF IT.  Except that the gay romance stories are depressing me because the main one I'm reading is so SUPER happy.  (And no, I'm not linking you to it or telling you the title.)

But I'm really ready to get home.  I'll probably spend the summer working by day and spending time with friends at night--or not interacting with people (because that's what I do now).

I've been thinking a lot lately.  About a lot of things.  About being shy.  About what kind of people I want to meet.  About how to go about meeting such people.  About going up and randomly meeting people.  About this girl at home and the category of the immense feelings I have for her.  About how I haven't written back to my best friend who is a man on a mission at the moment.  About all of the times in my life when I have been uninteresting or cold.  About how much I desperately hate having a roommate and not sleeping in my bed at home.  About home.  About forsaking the benefits of my education here at Vandy and transferring to UTK back home. 

I really haven't made any rather good friends here or even people who would have mutual interest in being good friends (besides my roommate, but that relationships is and forever will be strained).  I don't know if I'm cut out for college.  I can't make male friends because I am neither interesting on my own, nor do I have much of any interest in sports or girls.  I can't make female friends because I am somewhat shy/afraid of being labeled a creeper--and I can't seem to get past the idea that new female friends aren't worth that much to me.  I can't help it.  I see these girls that are interested in their own friends, in parties, in having fun in college, in boys.  And I just don't want to be part of that crowd.  It does not entice me.  But I am trying.  Sometimes.

I don't know.  I just feel really silly and tired.  After having written all this out, I am HEAVILY considering not even posting it and deleting all of it.  But whatever, I felt like I should update.  I'll just... bye.

God this is superb and makes me cry every gotdamn time

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TQLSITaxUoM&feature=player_embedded

Imma makin' me a list

of shit to be done.  This is so that I know all the things I gotta do in the next week or two.

Physics test tuesday. (9) Ch. 29-32

Comp. Sci. test Wednesday. (10) Sections 2.6-2.7

Chem lab + quiz Friday. (12) Everything from the beginning of Chem lab

Orgo test next Monday. (15) Ch. 21-23

FAFSA, CSS, all that financial aid shit DUE next Monday. (15)

Comp. Sci. project due next Tuesday. (16) Has not taught it yet

Physics lab quiz either Wednesday or next Wednesday. (10) or (17) SEVERAL labs

Ok, not as bad as I thought--especially since I'm most of the way through the comp. sci. project already.  Yay for Saturday night homeworking.  The only bad part is that I pretty much have to boss all three of these tests out of the water.  Shouldn't be too hard though.  At least Diff. eq. is basically over with for this month.

Stoicism

Hey.  I had an excessively frustrating day today.  Three main lows:  starting at little sleep because I was studying most of the night, losing many more points on the subsequent test than I meant to, and spending 4 hours in orgo lab only to realize I trashed my organic layer instead of my aqueous one.  On my way home, I tried to sing a couple words from "Have You Ever Seen the Rain" by CCR and I couldn't because the tears choked me up as thoughts of my mother reeled through my head.  but it's not all bad.  If today was any day other than Friday, I would be supremely upset, though.

I miss my friends.  I miss my family. 

Oh and hey, I got a tumblr.  If you're interested, leave a message.

k bye