I moved into my new dorm for this year today. I said goodbye to my parents; I met my new roommate. My room is absolutely frozen (which is a good thing). I have made up my mind to go join all the engineering and chemistry clubs I can find, the LGBTQ organization on campus, an anime club, a soccer team, and maybe frisbee again. We'll see.
I spent my summer working and dicking around, watching anime, loving tumblr, and hating reddit. It was time well-wasted. One of my friends remarked the other day that all of the really intelligent people she knows are falling into this pattern of having no ambition. It seems to be pretty silly. Some of the smartest people I know just don't want to do anything. I've felt that way for a while; I made a goal a while back to become an old man. I've long espoused that I am an observer; I don't really care about my own gains. I mean, they kind of make me happy, but I prefer not to go out of my way to be particularly successful. It's kind of silly.
I've been thinking a good deal lately. And by that I mean that I've had ideas in the back of my mind for a while now. I have told you all before about that one girl back home whom I consider to be my best female friend. She might still check this page every now and then. We made an agreement to marry each other after college if neither of us had any other person that we were interested in. That seems incredible, exciting to me. We would get married and do married people stuff and it would be great. We would eventually have children, and we would be the parents who just want their child to be happy, no matter what. And I feel that I could make a really good father, and thus a decent husband.
But at the same time, I really want to go out with a guy. I want to experience everything I can in terms of a gay relationship. It's just something that I feel I need to experience.
Anyway, I am well; I'm healthy and content. A little anxious about school and needing to find an internship/research project this year. I don't want to jump into a career where I have to try really hard to be professional. I just want to do my job and be done with it. Why do I have to impress employers and all that stuff? It seems silly. But I am well, overall. I'm hoping that my classes will turn out alright.
And yeah, my autoplay on tumblr is perfect. Don't try to tell me otherwise.
Sounds like you had a good summer! Cool! And congrats on the move-in. Smooth is good, and with no details on the roomie, that's means he's ok, yeah?
ReplyDeleteI think your plans to join plenty of campus activities and groups certainly expands your chances of finding a gay relationship, at least some gay friendships. Somewhat oddly, you are the second person in the last few months to espouse the "if I'm not doing anything at x, I'll marry you". I hate to say, even as best friends, that seems like little to go on for a marriage! A good father you would probably be, but I'm not sure that goes hand in hand with being a good husband. If you are (at least mostly) gay, would you be happy denying that part of yourself pretty much permanently?
Good to hear from you, Maddy! I hope you have a good start to the school year.
Peace <3
Jay
Hi. I know I'm jumping on this late, but you seem older than us? Maybe? (I'm sorry if that's a gross misconception) you might have advice, so this is me asking for it, if you don't mind sharing. I'm mad's marriage-pact-friend. I've been wondering lately what makes a good relationship, like with a life partner. I love mad. When I see him, I don't want to necessarily jump his bones, but that doesn't mean I don't love him. Is that required? That fire? I've felt that for people before, but it never lasts. I get tired of them, of their flaws, etc (this probably makes me a cold person), but that facet is never enough. I've never gotten tired of him (I've never thought about the *possibility* of him being a tiresome person).
DeleteI think we could be happy. I think I would be happy, and I don't think that I would feel like I compromised anything. I just know life would be very hard to go through alone. Not impossible, to be sure, but hard. And that seems unnecessary if there's someone I'd love to go through it with. We would have beautiful children.
On the real though I want him to find that "soulmate" that would satisfy and nourish him in every way, man or woman. I want him to experience all the things! I want that for him very very badly. I want it for myself too. I just wonder if that's a real thing that exists and how that would look different from what we have, when you lay it all on the table. I guess what I'm really wondering is how that pinnacle relationship looks different from best friends who have sex (if sex is a thing they want in life). Like, if we really do this, I'm *commiting*, I'm not going to jump ship if other shiny things come along. This isn't a vague "oh I haven't found anyone to pique my interest I suppose you'll do" thing.
If you are bisexual, and your longterm relationship is gay, does that mean you're denying your straightness? If your longterm is het, does that mean you're denying your gayness? And I understand society pressures straightness.
I don't know how much of that makes sense, just looking for thoughts.
Em
Yeah, I'm a bit older...hahahaha...55 ina few days! So an official Olde Farte. But I've always gotten on well with young people, so that's why I try to be supportive of them online.
DeleteTo your question about relationships, here's a few thoughts:
Values - you have to decide if your values are in line with each other, and for those that aren't (no two people's values are identical), which can you live with and which could be deal breakers? For instance, you may value frugality, he may value generosity, even if you have plenty of money for everything you need/want.
Sex - you need to be compatible, at least in my opinion. If one or the other has an extreme drive or lack thereof and the other doesn't, can you live with that? The sexuality thing is something all together different. In MY mind, if you enter into a committed relationship (marriage) then you become monogamous - whatever your orientation, you either accept that you are in a CR or not. That's something to figure out before you put your name on the line. But I can't count the number of people I know about who were of different sexual orientations that married and wound up divorced. Or are in hopelessly awful situations that are very difficult to change. Honestly, this is at the top of the "DON'T" list if you aren't both hetero or very close to it. IMHO at least.
Children - Do you want them? How many? Does he? While it's not always true that kids grow up to parent their kids like they were parented, there is a hint of truth in that. Is he a free-ranger and are you obsessive about safety? (see freerangekids.com if you don't understand this)
Finances - are either of you spendthrifts? or obsessive savers? Can you live with the differences?
One thing Maddy mentioned: Success - how do you each define it? Again, can you live with the differences?
I don't know about the whole "soulmate" thing. My best friend is female, she's the first person I came out to, and it explained why when she threw herself at me physically some years ago, I resisted. But we are as close to soulmates as any two people can be.
Society isn't the driving force here. We're in the 21st Century. Soon, same sex marriage will be nationwide. See above for thoughts on sexuality. Bottom line is, no matter your sexuality, if you want the freedom to have sex with whomever you want, don't get into a committed relationship where you are (or at least should be) committed to one another in thought, word and deed.
As you can see, all of this adds up to a lot of long discussions about what you can live with, and what you can't. How do you both feel about alcohol and drugs? Yea? Nay? 420 OK? Meth isn't? Beer is cool, purple jesus is not?
I think with maturity comes some insight. I also have some feelings about the whole love at first sight and true love stuff. But those aren't important. I think people know love when they feel it, it's a pretty basic emotion.
I hope this helps. As you can see, it's all about compatibility in as many ways as possible, and whether you can live with the differences between you.
Peace <3
Jay
Thank you! You've given me a lot to think about.
DeleteEm
Please remember, I am not in any way trying to be discouraging, I was just letting free thought reign after reading advice columns from all over the place almost every day! HAHAHAHA That makes me a classically trained psychologist ;-) !
DeletePeace <3
Jay