You're such a Narcissist

So facebook says i'm a sexy nerd.  ;)

I wish that i could meet myself in another person.  I have often felt that either i am super immature or rather overly mature.  Though that is a relative term.  So whatsywhosits won't especially be useful in relating personality.  I think that i started this blog to get out my personality and have people adulate it.  Now is that not almost entirely naricissistic?  I suppose the justifiers would say it is a cry from someone who has always been praised for his intelligence and now wants to be praised for his uniqueness.  Then others would say that it is in fact super duper narcissistic.  Then others will say, Oh i know, you are so interesting.  tell me more about life.  Then others will glance and be like Meh...  And still others will think wat a dumbass.  Some will say that i dont appreciate what i have.  Others will try to prove that they are better than me and some will actually adulate me.  Me, im gonna just keep going.  Stupid, i know.

The reason that we don't just straight up work our whole lives anymore is because we dont have to.  There is welfare, soup kitchens, and sympathetic people who want to feel like they have helped someone.  You can almost always find food in three days.  And water is easy enough.  Go to a store and ask for some water.  Go to walmart and ask for a water fountain.  go to a hospital.  everywhere has water.  The only thing you actually have to worry about is if you are not going to "just get by".  The people who worry about jobs are worried about money.  They are selfishly trying to accumulate it.  and thats not a bad thing because money usually means comfort.  but it is no longer essential.  (This is all relative to my location in  the US).

So what is necessary?  People tend to think that it is happiness.  You live to be happy.  You have to have someone with which to share that happiness too.  And god knows that you need a legacy; so you have to procreate, or at least adopt.  Then once you have food, family, friends, money; you look for a way to make it better--whether referring to your own situation or that of the world.  That's when you get into humanitarianism.

But the only part of that that i want is someone to talk to and a bit of comfort.  So, i will work for money, and i will look out for that unique soul that can challenge me and lead me to new levels of intrigue.  And that will be my life.  I will not make a big difference.  I can't unless i want a result that will ultimately be disappointing (not important enough to matter, to have taken up my life).  So Nerstes, maybe unlife is the answer.  Maybe ununlife is the answer.  Maybe it is actually life, and i have just over-considered it.  But in the general scheme of things, our lives will be almost gone within the next century.  Just a memory that will doubtless become less and less sincere as the generations progress until the only record of us is objective or from a source that does not have any bearing to us.  And finally, our life and legacy has no bearing.  Sure, you could develop a cure for cancer and people would adulate you, but the only reason people want a cure is to find some sort of hurdle-leap over the idea of mortality and to spend that extra time with people.

If you care about life, I'm sorry if i've offended.  But think about it, if this is all you have, then you have almost nothing.  And if there is something more, then this is just a big old joke of meaningless suffering. Ok maybe not suffering; some would call it living/being happy.

All life originates from selfishness.  We want companions.  We want to help.  We want to improve.  We want to live and let live.  We want to look like we are good.  We want to look like we are bad.  That's the trouble with emotion and decision.  We want to be happy.  We want others to be happy so we can see how it's done.  We want to do anything for others to assuage the idea that we have failed.  We want.  And we take.  And we hold.  And we do all these meaningless little things that are not going to matter.  The very idea of eternity begs an ending.  But there isn't one?