A Dark Soliloquy

I have no "you."  As of yet, I live alone, metaphorically speaking.  Sad eyes.  Empty.  Wanting escape and yet achievement. Speaking in short sentences.

I am going to kill you all someday.  I don't know when, or how, or where.  Heck, I don't know if I even have the balls, but I promise I will kill you.  In my mind, the subtleties of stance and stature become apparent.  I can no longer see myself as good or even "holy."  I am a learned man.  I know what I know, and it is right in the middle--far from everything, far from nothing.  Sometimes I am dumb, sometimes smarter than I know, but I am always saying "I" and thinking.  I am the gubernator of my own ship even though I sometimes choose passiveness as the ruling power.

Three years ago, I believed in God.  Ten years ago, I believed in Santa Claus.  Now I believe in nothing--but man and everything he encompasses.  I see power but I only wonder about it.  I have developed patience and lost my major goals.  I see no ultimate purpose and I still say "I" every other word.  It's all about me, right? Yes, solipsism is the truth: We are all just in a matrix-like ether in my mind.  I am actually God--the perfect egg.  But do I incubate?  Or am I just a finite entity in the death stage?

I don't care.  I just want to fuck.  With my mate.  My non-existent mate.  I want to be lost in another, so helplessly underwater that I may as well be a fish.  I want to curl up and hibernate: I need to hide and rest.  I am tired of these human thoughts.  I want to be above, but I seem to be trapped in "I."  Because altruism is inherently better than egocentrism?  Ok, so selfishness is necessary, and self is necessary, as is will.  Altruism?  Overrated.

Out of the darkness shall rise a great and powerful patience--one with no equal but the infinity of death.  He shall come, proclaiming the end and desiring the rainbow-ification of the world.  When worst comes to worst, who will prevail?

Life is about initiative and standards: since there is no inherent goal, there is no automatic failure.  If there is no inherent goal or failure, then success is utterly arbitrary.  the Endgame is whatever the hell you want it to be.  Don't let me dictate your dreams.  Do whatever the fuck you want.  It's your life: do with it what you will.