Anytime people mention a first kiss. I just lock up and I can't deal with it. It throws me into ridiculous despair. And the most ridiculous part is that nothing THAT bad happened in middle school. In fact, I don't know if I could consider it bad at all. I just, I can't deal with it. I have to consider it a weakness.
Friday, January 25, 2013
I have a problem
Middle school. Everything from 2005-2008. I cannot think about it. I can't remember it. I can't. And if I see something, hear something, watch something about middle school, I can't. My heart feels empty and I die a little bit. The first half of this video destroys my insides:
Anytime people mention a first kiss. I just lock up and I can't deal with it. It throws me into ridiculous despair. And the most ridiculous part is that nothing THAT bad happened in middle school. In fact, I don't know if I could consider it bad at all. I just, I can't deal with it. I have to consider it a weakness.
Anytime people mention a first kiss. I just lock up and I can't deal with it. It throws me into ridiculous despair. And the most ridiculous part is that nothing THAT bad happened in middle school. In fact, I don't know if I could consider it bad at all. I just, I can't deal with it. I have to consider it a weakness.
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OK, interesting. But yeah, I think maybe we can all have and event or series of events which affect us in powerful ways, long after the actual event is over. I hope this wasn't abuse or rape that is making you feel this way. If so, I hope you can find help. If it's anything really, there are people you can talk to help put it in its proper perspective and perhaps heal a little.
ReplyDeletePeace <3
Jay
No, no. Nothing like that.
ReplyDelete"And the most ridiculous part is that nothing THAT bad happened in middle school. In fact, I don't know if I could consider it bad at all."
I used to have something similar, whenever I would reflect on my early adolescence (or more likely, the the person I could never quite be), I would lock up emotionally. A disabling mixture of cringing and regrets. I eventually decided that it wasn't the events of the past that were affecting me, but how I was in the present. My continuing inability to deal with my social isolation I guess. When I began to deal with that, the past took care of itself.
ReplyDeleteThe talking cure is the one. Someone, the right person, to share your load with. Everyone carries a burden, and everyone needs someone to share it with, a friend or a professional.
He's right though. You gotta shake the dust.