I really need some sort of hobby. I guess school being back tomorrow will help with that. The only resolution i have for this year was made before new years. im actually going to read my chemistry book along with the teacher's lessons. Btw, Billy, I got an 85% on my chem 2 final, if i didnt tell you.
it did however snow today. They were the biggest snowflakes i have ever seen. But the temperature wasnt even below freezing so it didnt stick to the roads. though it might ice over tonight. Its all silly.
im listening to punk music at the moment. its kinda fun. have you guys read the narnia series? Im rereading it and im on the horse and his boy right now. Its decent. Not one of my favorites, but its all good. i really just wanted to read the last battle when i started this crusade, but i figured it would make more sense to read through the entirety of the series.
i had a bit of a music day today. I listened to joanna newsom's The Milk-Eyed Mender. and i listened to Coldplay in Viva la Vida or Death and All His Friends. The miles just keep rolling. as do my eyes. ive heard this life is over but i hope that it gets better as we go. ive heard a lot of things and they all seem like very important pieces of wisdom. But you have to wonder how important is wisdom. In fact, how important is anything. There are two answers. Either super important or not important. And at the moment, i can only see the latter. *sigh*
I have this female friend who is large and she keeps saying that she has clinical depression. And im pretty sure that we all do if its what she has. She is one of the only ones ive been able to talk to the past couple days and im barred from discussing anything "depressing". So its depressing me and making me angry. I want to talk to somebody about meaning and its distressing me to be void of super intelligence. There is no challenge right now. And i am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO bored.
Showing posts with label Mood. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Mood. Show all posts
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Confident?
I feel like i have mastery. I'm not arrogant. I know it now. I'm just confident now. It's pretty odd. I feel like i could do anything. All of those sentences started with the letter "i". At least i can still recognize it.
But its still true. i feel strong once more.
Because i had a male friend over for the day, I keep thinking about the fanfiction "Claimed". The idea is that you have to feed and then overcome your prospective mate. And then you claim them. And I pretty much did that today. I prepared and gave him turkey quesadilla, i conquered him in SSB: Melee, and then we ate some more (corndogs this time). But I didn't do this purposefully. And I probably wouldn't be thinking it if he hadn't left seeming inferior to me. I was totally in control. Perhaps it happened from us being at my house, but he just seemed even somewhat nervous. It was odd. I had liked him before today, but i gave up on it because i'm almost 100% sure that he's totally straight. And we are pretty great friends. So im really confuzzled by the way he acted. It was just me and him. No one else. Guh maybe a mountain out of a molehill?
But whatever. He left right after looking at a drawing that i had done of the church-that-i-go-to's interior. It was a great drawing, and we had it pinned to the refrigerator. And then he started asking if i had tried any writing. Because he knows that I'm bored with everything at the moment. So maybe he had mastery and i was in a delusion state. Maybe we are just equals. Maybe i was right. Idontknow.
Control.
BTW, BB if you're reading this, it's just that you seemed odd when you left. And you've been acting kind of odd in the last couple days. The show you seem to be putting on is that you just remembered/ realized that i'm one of your better friends (not saying that i am, but that that's how it seems). Idk, is it just an act? If it is, you've sprung it just at the right moment to catch me though idk why you would. Paranoid, no. Just speculating. I wish i could be light yagami or L in Deathnote. Everything would be so much more interesting. But really, i do feel confident. How could i not?
But its still true. i feel strong once more.
Because i had a male friend over for the day, I keep thinking about the fanfiction "Claimed". The idea is that you have to feed and then overcome your prospective mate. And then you claim them. And I pretty much did that today. I prepared and gave him turkey quesadilla, i conquered him in SSB: Melee, and then we ate some more (corndogs this time). But I didn't do this purposefully. And I probably wouldn't be thinking it if he hadn't left seeming inferior to me. I was totally in control. Perhaps it happened from us being at my house, but he just seemed even somewhat nervous. It was odd. I had liked him before today, but i gave up on it because i'm almost 100% sure that he's totally straight. And we are pretty great friends. So im really confuzzled by the way he acted. It was just me and him. No one else. Guh maybe a mountain out of a molehill?
But whatever. He left right after looking at a drawing that i had done of the church-that-i-go-to's interior. It was a great drawing, and we had it pinned to the refrigerator. And then he started asking if i had tried any writing. Because he knows that I'm bored with everything at the moment. So maybe he had mastery and i was in a delusion state. Maybe we are just equals. Maybe i was right. Idontknow.
Control.
BTW, BB if you're reading this, it's just that you seemed odd when you left. And you've been acting kind of odd in the last couple days. The show you seem to be putting on is that you just remembered/ realized that i'm one of your better friends (not saying that i am, but that that's how it seems). Idk, is it just an act? If it is, you've sprung it just at the right moment to catch me though idk why you would. Paranoid, no. Just speculating. I wish i could be light yagami or L in Deathnote. Everything would be so much more interesting. But really, i do feel confident. How could i not?
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