I feel like i have mastery. I'm not arrogant. I know it now. I'm just confident now. It's pretty odd. I feel like i could do anything. All of those sentences started with the letter "i". At least i can still recognize it.
But its still true. i feel strong once more.
Because i had a male friend over for the day, I keep thinking about the fanfiction "Claimed". The idea is that you have to feed and then overcome your prospective mate. And then you claim them. And I pretty much did that today. I prepared and gave him turkey quesadilla, i conquered him in SSB: Melee, and then we ate some more (corndogs this time). But I didn't do this purposefully. And I probably wouldn't be thinking it if he hadn't left seeming inferior to me. I was totally in control. Perhaps it happened from us being at my house, but he just seemed even somewhat nervous. It was odd. I had liked him before today, but i gave up on it because i'm almost 100% sure that he's totally straight. And we are pretty great friends. So im really confuzzled by the way he acted. It was just me and him. No one else. Guh maybe a mountain out of a molehill?
But whatever. He left right after looking at a drawing that i had done of the church-that-i-go-to's interior. It was a great drawing, and we had it pinned to the refrigerator. And then he started asking if i had tried any writing. Because he knows that I'm bored with everything at the moment. So maybe he had mastery and i was in a delusion state. Maybe we are just equals. Maybe i was right. Idontknow.
Control.
BTW, BB if you're reading this, it's just that you seemed odd when you left. And you've been acting kind of odd in the last couple days. The show you seem to be putting on is that you just remembered/ realized that i'm one of your better friends (not saying that i am, but that that's how it seems). Idk, is it just an act? If it is, you've sprung it just at the right moment to catch me though idk why you would. Paranoid, no. Just speculating. I wish i could be light yagami or L in Deathnote. Everything would be so much more interesting. But really, i do feel confident. How could i not?
Holding the power in your hand is exhilarating. To have control over your own destiny is an awesome feeling.
ReplyDeleteBut to claim somebody you have to be claimed as well. Give him a chance to use his special power.
Domination is fun. But then so is subjugation. I mean sexually of course.
ReplyDeleteBut you need absolute trust and respect.
What an interesting fantasy you could have about your friend, perhaps.
That would give you something to feel superior about.